Bridging the Gap: Talking to Aging Parents
Are you avoiding talking to your aging parents about key topics, such as assisted living options? A study by Independent Age found that over a quarter of seniors aged 65 and up don't plan to have these kinds of conversations, either.
That means it's up to you to bridge the gap, but how do you do it successfully?
To help you navigate through difficult conversations, we've put together the following guide with eldercare communication tips. Keep reading to learn how to converse with senior parents effectively and with grace.
Set the Tone
Communicating with aging parents often starts well before the first words are spoken. You wouldn't want to suddenly spring the topic on your parents in the middle of a public setting, for example.
Instead, it's better to set the right tone before the discussion so that everyone is on the same page and will give the topic the seriousness it deserves.
Make sure to eliminate any potential distractions from interrupting you in the middle of the conversation. Turn off the radio or TV, silence phones, and ask non-involved family members to give you space.
This allows everyone to deep-dive into the conversation and give their undivided attention. It'll help you and your parents to subconsciously understand that this is an important topic and it needs a certain amount of focus.
In-Person Conversation
If possible, effective family conversations should happen face-to-face. You'll have more control over the situation and it'll feel more personal.
When distances are impossible to cross, do your best to replicate an in-person interaction.
Video phone calls with a good connection can help you connect with your parents even when you're unable to be there in person. Try to set this up beforehand so that it doesn't take up too much time or focus away from the conversation.
Share Legitimate Concerns
When parents need to confront the truth of age, it can lead to denial. They might think you're overreacting about a simple accident instead of taking it seriously.
To help you share your concerns, you'll need to use concrete examples that show why you're concerned in the first place.
Saying that you're worried about their safety isn't as effective as saying that you're worried they'll fall down the stairs again. Tell them that you've noticed they're not eating as much and they've lost a certain amount of weight. Share the fact that they've self-isolated and haven't participated in any of their favorite activities in over a month.
Concrete examples are difficult to deny which will help show your parents that your concerns - and the ideas of assisted living - are valid.
Address Fears
As we age, it sometimes feels as though we're unable to talk about the fears that come with time. It can feel uncomfortable, but those fears play an important role in ensuring your parents find a community that makes them happy. Without knowing the things that worry them most, how can you help them find assisted living that takes care of those problems?
Instead of ignoring the presence of fears and concerns, it's better to address them. You'll want to guide your conversation by allowing your parents to share their thoughts.
The most common aging fears include:
- Loss of independence
- Being seen as 'weak' or 'inadequate'
- Being left alone
- Loss of health and cognitive function
Prepare yourself to hear similar fears so you can support your parents during your conversations. This builds greater trust and can make future conversations even easier.
Patience and Empathy
Depending on senior family dynamics, a conversation about assisted living may not go as smoothly as you hope. Sometimes, parents can be combative, or they might shut down the topic before it can reach a conclusive end.
The key to this is to exude patience and empathy in the face of these emotions.
It'll require you to find a unique balance of detachment so that you can understand why your parent is being aggressive without taking it to heart. This also means you might need to be persistent in your request to have a conversation about assisted living.
It might seem easier to give up, but your parent will need your help in maintaining a good level of health and safety. Without you there to help them, they may end up in a worse spot before coming to that realization.
Remember to take mental health breaks as needed. Your well-being is important as well.
Active Listening
Active listening is often used in a professional setting, but it's useful outside of work as well. It's a great way to show someone that you're interested in what they're saying and that you're not simply waiting for your turn to talk.
Even having the idea of active listening in mind during your conversation about assisted living can help pave the way toward a thorough and effective discussion. To participate in active listening, try to:
- Repeat what your parent says to show you heard and understood them
- Ask open-ended questions that promote deeper conversation
- Ask for clarification
- Practice good eye contact technique
- Hold back judgment
- Stay open to all aspects of the conversation
Persistent Involvement
Building trust with elderly parents requires persistent involvement. This means you need to stay involved with their transition to assisted living. It also means keeping your parents involved in the decision-making process every step of the way.
Continue having conversations - both big and small - so that everyone stays updated. Sometimes, even a short phone call can make a big difference, although trickier conversations are still better served in person.
Make sure to note down any changes, such as desired services and amenities, so you can continue looking for the perfect community match together.
Guide Aging Parents to a Thriving Community
Bringing up the topic of assisted living with aging parents will be more successful if you already have a beautiful community to share and discuss. Look for local assisted living options that cater to individual needs and don't restrict residents' sense of freedom.
Oak Gardens Place's mission is to create a comfortable and thriving Altoona community for our senior residents. We provide personalized care so residents can maintain their independence in safety and security. Contact us today and we can get started on coming up with a unique care plan for you!